you can't make this stuff up

Never underestimate the power of one more proofing round. It may transform the whole image you are trying to create.



Or is it just me that sees this as graphics gone very wrong?

that hansel is so hot right now

The timing could never be right for this re-god-damn-diculous fashion spread, as pointed out by Jezebel. And didn't Mogatu already do this? So five minutes ago . . .

dmv with a difference

My first visit last week to a Florida DMV office was hellish, both in temperature and in customer service. The DMV is universally recognized as one of life's worst experiences—right up there with route canal—but this office could give the most sadistic dentist a run for his money. This completely disorganized place had folks lined up, trickling out of the building. Yes, outside, in Florida, in ninety degree plus heat. And that was at nine in the morning. Just imagine what it must be like as the line snakes longer, in the baked-in heat of a long afternoon. Not to mention that they are running first-time driver's tests in the same parking lot. Really smart.

 No

I had to wait in line for almost an hour before I could even say what I was there for, or get a number to  wait to be seen by someone. Almost an hour before being told I didn't have the correct paperwork. Some folks got to wait as long or longer to be told they were in the wrong office altogether. Apparently this office doesn't do car registrations, even though it's supposedly a DMV.

After coming from the land of forms to fill out, Washington, D.C., the paperwork required for a Florida license seemed a little heavy-handed, if you ask me. A potential Florida driver must show up with his/her social security card and/or current driver's license and/or U.S. passport, plus two proofs of residence, etc., etc. I guess the high amount of over-70 population coupled with the proximity to the edge of the country makes them a little more demanding or nervous. But as a civil servant I was more than a little surprised when they ignored or sneered at my federal government I.D. and D.C.  driver's license—D.C. uses a person's Social Security number as the driver's license number. But that's not good enough for Florida. But I tried to keep my cool as best as I could after standing outside in that heat, in that line, and gritted my teeth, shrugged and decided to return the following week with enough forms of ID to choke the disinterested clerk.

It was impossible to tell from their maddening website what services were offered by other Florida DMV offices not far away from this location, but I tossed the dice this morning and decided to try a different office—and what a difference. I walked across a shaded outdoor courtyard into an air-conditioned government building and was kindly directed by the security guards to the correct office. The smiling lady at the front desk immediately assessed my needs and gave me a number and asked me to take a seat and wait to be called. I pulled out my iPhone to settle in for some time-killing  web-surfing or solitaire, when a moment later I was called to window 4. The young woman who helped me was friendly and apologized for the wait as she processed my driver's license, registration, and temporary tags. After I posed for my photo she asked if I wanted to see it, and when I asked her if it looked OK she turned her computer screen to show me and said I had a very nice smile. I practically walked out of there whistling a happy tune with cartoon bluebirds tweeting around my ears.

 Yes

I much prefer this Twilight Zone DMV and I hope I never, ever have to go back to the other stupid, mean and naughty one. Ever.

Whistles . . .

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why must I be surounded by frickin' idiots?

Dr. Evil may have wanted to (mistakenly, in 90s currency) steal ONE MILLION DOLLARS, but I think he even would have agreed with me that what Scott Miracle Gro has done to the brand and concept of Smith and Hawken is just, well, evil.

I have already posted a link to a more detailed account on facebook, but it bears re-sharing, as this story is not about hard times for retailers in a bad economy, but one of greed and primarily, stupidity. A big company bought something it didn't understand. They didn't know what they had, and they didn't take any time to try and make it work—to the detriment of a thirty-year company and 700 lost jobs.

I used to shop at the SoHo Smith and Hawken when I lived in New York. It was definitely a downtown oasis. When I moved to D.C. I was happy to visit the Georgetown store. Both stores were regular haunts during the holidays—many of the ornaments on my Xmas tree were purchased there. Living in the city, I was more likely to buy a potted orchid than garden supplies, but it was always a fragrant, tasteful, pleasant place to visit, whether making a purchase or just browsing. Browsing is highly under-rated.

Like the lunkheads who killed Gourmet magazine, this decision just screams, "Huh?" No one thought about building up the online business before closing all the stores? Why would they have them all close mid-November and miss the holiday season? Why was there not more fanfare? I found out after-the-fact. Why must we be surrounded by such frickin' idiots? Like I said, I don't have a garden, but you can be sure there won't be any Scott product purchases in my future.

auf wiedersehen

I watched my last Project Runway. I'm done. Tim Gunn may still be under contract to stick around (without any bon mots or pretense of caring), but I'm not. I tried to look the other way with the (stoopid) location change (hey, if it ain't NY, then maybe Paris or Milan, but L.A.? Puhleeze.) But with the too-obvious stunt casting choices and the attempt to be shocking by keeping the loud-mouth "good-TV" (but crappy talent) and letting go of the actually creative (Ra'mon)...I'm done. Heidi et al - you're out.

the worst baby name EVER

I have curtailed a lot of my celebrity gossip site perusal, both to upgrade the content that I'm exposed to, be a grown-up, and most importantly, who has time to keep track of La Winehouse? But every once in a while something from my Google reader trickles through.

I'm not a strict traditionalist. I like unusual or meaningful names. Barack has a nice ring to it. But celebrities are notorious at trying to maintain their hipness through the unusual naming of their children. When a Zowie Bowie is old enough, he changes his name to Joey. Of course for every Zowie there's a Leaf - Phoenix, that is, who changed his name to - Joaquin. Hmmm...

But this latest baby name makes Apple and Kal-El sound like good ideas. It's a crazy amalgam of Disney and stupid. Oh well. Maybe little Bronx will take his revenge in the tell-all...