visiting hours

I've been thinking lately that I need to stop worrying about my mother. Every time I go to see her she seems happy. Happy to see me. Content with her surroundings.

Maybe she isn't really suffering. I am.

I am he one holding onto the pain, the grief, mourning the woman that I've lost, while she is still here.

I have lost a lot. I can no longer have long talks with my mom. or arguments. We can't go out to eat, or to the movies, or museums. But we can still smile at each other and spend some time together. We can even watch TV together. We can laugh and make faces at each other.

That's actually quite a lot.

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