the last of sheila: a stylish whodunnit

Fans of games, puzzles and mysteries will enjoy the 1973 film The Last of Sheila. Written by the dynamic duo of composer Stephen Sondheim and actor Anthony Perkins, the film features an all celebrity cast trying to conceal their most scandalous secrets from one another as they play a high-stakes murder mystery game.

Pre cruise, L-R: Philip (James Mason), Alice (Raquel Welch), Lee (Joan Hackett), Anthony (Ian McShane), Christine (Dyan Cannon) and Tom (Richard Benjamin)

Movie producer Clinton (James Coburn) is well-known for his love of parlor games and his wicked sense of humor. A year after the hit-and-run death of his gossip columnist wife Sheila he invites a selection of friends to join him on his yacht in the South of France to cruise and play games. At least, that's what he tells them. Most of the attendees also happened to be present at a house party on the night of Sheila's death: actress Alice (Raquel Welch) and her manager/husband Anthony (Ian McShane), Director Philip (James Mason), talent agent Christine (Dyan Cannon) and writer Tom (Richard Benjamin) and his heiress wife Lee (Joan Hackett). When they all arrive dockside they are eager to check out the luxuriously appointed yacht and its well-supplied liquor cabinet.

Their enjoyment is short-lived, however. Almost immediately the first game has begun and it's a doozy - a game of secrets. Clinton gives each of his guests a typed index card with a secret ("You are a Shoplifter," "You are a Homosexual," etc). Each night they will embark on a scavenger hunt in some gorgeous port of call to hunt for clues to their assigned secret's identity. The object of the game is to find out what everyone else's secret is, while keeping your own peccadillo hidden. It doesn't take long for the players to figure out that these secrets aren't just made up by Clinton for a random parlor game - they are real. And one of the group will do anything to protect their particular secret, even murder.

Clinton (James Coburn) loves to play games

It is no surprise that the dialogue by Sondheim and Perkins is witty and fun. In the 1960s the pair used to stage their own elaborate scavenger hunts with friends, one of whom was Herbert Ross (The Goodbye Girl, Play it Again, Sam), who directs the film. The French Riviera locations are gorgeous, as are the cast, who look especially great in the cruisewear costumes designed by Joel Schumacher (yes, that Joel Schumacher). As lovely as Raquel Welch always is, it is Dyan Cannon who really steals every scene she is in. She is vibrant and radiant, playing a brassy but lovably irrepressible casting agent. Viewers of The Last of Sheila will not only enjoy the mystery at its core, but the subtle skewering of Hollywood and its denizens that permeates every scene.

Christine (Dyan Cannon)plotting her next move in the game

The Last of Shelia is the granddaddy of classic mystery films like Clue, Deathtrap and most recently, Knives Out. Sondheim and Perkins had planned to do some other mystery films together, but unfortunately none of those projects were ever completed. That's Hollywood.

Specs:

The Last of Shelia is now part of the Warner Brothers archive collection, made from a 4K scan of the original camera negative. The picture is terrific. Sharp and colorful details in foreground and background shots. 

1080p High Definition master from 4K scan of the original camera negative. 

Color. 16x9. Aspect ratio 1.85:1 (original aspect ratio 1.85:1). 

Widescreen.

Sound: 

DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 Mono, English. Subtitles, English SDH.

119 minutes. Rated PG.

Extras:

Original trailer

Audio commentary with Richard Benjamin, Dyan Cannon, and Raquel Welch. The audio commentary is actually fun to listen to, with primarily Cannon and Benjamin together reminiscing about their filming experiences as they watch the film. Raquel Welch provides her personal memories as well, but is clearly spliced in from a separate location.

Originally published on Cinema Sentries 

favorite movie #12: the last of sheila

Favorite movies that have had an impact on me - #12 - The Last of Sheila (1973) - A murder game/scavenger hunt set on a yacht vacation in the Mediterranean. What could go wrong? With James Coburn, Richard Benjamin, Dyan Cannon, James Mason, Raquel Welch, Ian McShane, and Joan Hackett as the players. Written by Anthony Perkins and Truman Capote.

lovejoy, series 4: up to his old tricks

Lovejoy (Ian McShane) has always walked a fine line between legitimate and slightly shady deals - such seems to be the nature of the antiques trade. But in Lovejoy, Series 4, the always charming rogue has crossed over to out-and-out swindling - for a good cause, naturally - the saving of his own skin. Lovejoy is a "divvie," someone who has the gift of being able to sniff out a real antique. This feature has both helped and hindered Lovejoy in his life, loves, and business.

Lovejoy Antiques, Inc.: L-R: Tinker (Dudley Sutton), Lady Jane Felsham (Phyllis Logan), Eric (Chris Jury), and Lovejoy (Ian McShane).

As the series opens, Lovejoy Antiques, Inc. has been seized by the authorities - and Lovejoy is not only out of a home, but his livelihood. He starts scrambling immediately, setting up some deals with his friends and sidekicks, Eric (Chris Jury) and Tinker (Dudley Sutton), while trying to keep some of the more gruesome details hidden from Lady Jane Felsham (Phyllis Logan), who will most definitely not approve. Lovejoy and Lady Jane have always had an on-again, off-again flirtation that has sometimes crossed over to romance, but this season sees the Lady's affections sorely tested. Viewers will recognize Phyllis Logan as Downton Abbey's Mrs. Hughes, who has finally found love on that program with the redoubtable butler Mr. Carson. But will her character Lady Jane fare as well with the rascally Lovejoy?

Read the full review on Cinema Sentries ...

lovejoy is looking for love in series 3 ...

The the second season of Lovejoy, the last time we saw the irascible but ever-charming antiques dealer played by Ian McShane, he was swindling (for a good cause, naturally) crooked antiques dealer Harry Catapodis (Brian Blessed) in order to help out a Japanese businessman (Mako) and a lovely widow Victoria (Joanna Lumley) who had both been cheated by Harry.

Lovejoy Series 3, recently released on DVD by Acorn Media, picks up a year later, after Lovejoy has been taking a holiday in Spain, where he has enjoyed (and spent) all the proceeds from that last big deal. He returns home to take up right where he left off, and his friends and partners, Eric (Chris Jury), Tinker (Dudley Sutton), and Lady Jane Felsham (Phyllis Logan, who many will recognize as Downton Abbey's Mrs. Hughes), are mostly glad to see him, even if they put off a bit by his new warmer climes-inspired wardrobe of linen suits and bright tee shirts. It doesn't take long for Lovejoy to don his familiar jeans and leather jacket, and also to kick-start his flirtation with Victoria into a full-fledged romance. Lady Jane seems a bit put off by the whole thing — will she and Lovejoy ever declare their feelings that always seem to be simmering below the surface?

Lovejoy and Lady Jane (Ian McShane and Phyllis Logan)

You can read my complete review on Cinema Sentries ...

lovejoy's back for more antiques, crime and fun

Acorn Media has recently released Lovejoy, Series 2, and it is just as much fun as the first series. Based on the books by Jonathan Gash, Lovejoy stars Ian McShane as an antiques dealer who has an eye for authenticity — in antiques and women. The British series was originally filmed and aired in the late 1980s and early 1990s, with the A&E Network showing the series stateside in the 1990s. Fans of McShane and the series should be very happy that Lovejoy is finally available on DVD.

Lovejoy is a British mystery series, but the accent is more on character and story than whodunnit. Frequently Lovejoy and his friends find themselves involved in so many plots and switcheroos that most of the fun comes from trying to figure out who's on top at the moment. When viewers first met Lovejoy last season, he was trying to balance his antiques business with his gifts as a "divvie," a person who can suss out whether an object is the genuine article or a fake. He was frequently plagued by a rival antiques dealer, Charles Gimbert, aided and abetted in his schemes by pals Tinker Dill (Dudley Sutton) and Eric Catchpole (Chris Jury), and becoming friends with the lovely lady of the local manor, Lady Jane Felsham (Phyllis Logan).

Gimbert is gone in the second series, Jane and Lovejoy are now business "partners," and Tinker and Eric are still on hand to run interference whenever Lovejoy needs. Lovejoy is still (almost always) broke. In fact, the first episode of season two, "Just Desserts," finds him being released from prison — after being framed — and he is determined to find out who in the antiques trade set him up. His time in jail has echoes throughout the season, with the local constabulary always suspicious of his movements, and Lovejoy frequently seeking revenge for himself, or justice for other innocent parties. There are some familiar faces from British film and television as guests stars this season, and Lovejoy and Jane even let a few sparks fly between them. ...


Read my complete review on Cinema Sentries

ian mcshane is the lovable rascal lovejoy (and might just teach you a thing or two about antiques)

When American audiences hear the name Ian McShane the first image that comes to mind is most likely his gritty, brilliant portrayal of Al Swearengen in HBO's Deadwood. But the actor has been busy on stage and screen since 1962. And before Deadwood, he created another iconic character, Lovejoy, whose series aired in the U.K. from 1986 to 1994. The shows were picked up in the U.S. and broadcast by the A&E Network in the 1990s. They haven't been available to American audiences on DVD until recently, thanks to Acorn Media, who has released the first set, Lovejoy, Series 1, with hopefully the remaining five seasons to soon follow.

Based on the character from the popular mystery novel series by Jonathan Gash, Lovejoy isn't a typical British mystery series. The focus is not on grisly murders or detectives trying to get into the heads of brilliant and idiosyncratic criminals. Set in East Anglia, McShane's Lovejoy is an antique dealer, who is mostly honest, but most importantly, has an absolute love of all things antique and ancient. He is also a "divvie," someone who can feel in his bones whether a painting or an object is the real thing or a clever fake. It's a wonderful quality to possess, but it can get Lovejoy into a lot of trouble. What makes the series escpecially fun is watching Lovejoy's true love for his work, and being able to learn a thing or two about paintings, porcelain, furniture, and even history along the way. ...

You can read the rest of my review on Cinema Sentries ...

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oddball movie: yesterday's hero

I've always been a fan of Ian McShane, so thought I'd give one of his movies on Netflix a try, Yesterday's Hero. The story of an almost washed-up soccer player, it seemed appropriate viewing after the recent World Cup. And it sort of was. Half of the time. A film with bit of a split personality, Yesterday's Hero is half thoughtful portrait of an aging, boozing athlete, and the other half a Suzanne Somers (at the height of her Three's Company fame) vanity musical. The two halves never really work convincingly together, and one wonders why anyone thought they might in the first place.

"Goal!" McShane and friends on the field

McShane plays Rod Turner, an alcoholic soccer player who knows that the end of his career is nigh (his father, Harry McShane, actually played soccer for Manchester United). He has hopes of playing for an American team, but his only real offer comes from a rock star named Clint Simon (Paul Nicholas) who also is the owner of a team called the Saints. Clint also seems to have a platonic relationship with a singer named Cloudy (?!), played by Somers. They are inseparable, and Clint is obviously in love with her, but Cloudy keeps him inexplicably at arm's length. Cloudy also had a fling with Rod many years previously, but he flew the coop before things could get serious. British pop idol Adam Faith plays the Saints' manager, who also has a thing for Cloudy and has it in for Rod. Blah blah blah, etc. The disjointed narrative was written for the screen by Jackie Collins.

McShane is always a pleasure to watch, and his scenes are, for the most part, done realistically. The movie takes a really strange turn by inserting multiple musical numbers (but only of two songs) featuring Somers and Nicholas dueting. Always shot from a perplexingly low angle, and involving some really herky-jerky attempts at dancing, they are not quite terrible enough to qualify for "so bad it's good" status, but just seem to fall in the bad camp. I guess they weren't bad enough to make me turn Yesterday's Hero off completely. Watching McShane, and whether he could kick the sauce and kick the winning goal, kept me tuned in for its 95 minutes.

hercules and dwayne johnson have fun with a classic

The kid and I checked out Hercules this weekend and were very presently surprised. I guess I should say that I was presently surprised, the kid just loved it. In fact, she loved seeing it on Friday so much that we went back the next day and took in the IMAX 3D version. I'm not usually very fond of 3D, but love the sheer scale of IMAX. I actually preferred the film in 2D, however. Hercules is a good-looking film, and the 3D, while it may have made some of the battle scenes more visceral, ended up distracting me from the overall action and and cinematographer's composition.

Hercules (Dwayne Johnson) in search of the Hydra

Hercules was directed by Brett Ratner (Rush Hour, X-Men: The Last Stand, Tower Heist, Horrible Bosses), who has a penchant for overblown actioners, and based on a comic book Hercules: The Thracian Wars by Steve Moore. While some critics have complained that the famous labors of Hercules which spin by quickly in the film's trailer appear just as quickly in the film, that is not quite a fair criticism. It is true that this version of Hercules's story tends to spin the Greek hero's legend on its head, portraying Hercules as just one member of a team of elite mercenaries. The band of brothers (and one sister), with the aid of some skillful publicity, has spun the story of his godly parentage and fantastic exploits to their great (monetary) reward. But fans of Greek mythology will notice some sly nods to both Herc's adventures as well as some other famous Greek heroes — and the movies made about them — especially in a powerful scene where warriors rise from the ground a la the classic Jason and the Argonauts. And what is mythology anyway, but a constant reinterpretation of a classic story?

The Nemean Lion hat and club are just too cool

This film's Hercules, played by Dwayne Johnson, may be quite human, but his physique is certainly larger-than-life. Johnson has said he trained harder for this role than any other, and the results are truly impressive, as his Hercules is, without question, the film's most special effect.

"I trained and worked harder than ever for 8 months for this role. Lived alone and locked myself away (like a moody 260-lb. monk) in Budapest for 6 months while filming. Goal was to completely transform into this character. Disappear in the role. Press journalist asked me today, with the mental & physical toll the role had on me, would I do it again? Not only would I do it again ... I'd do it f*cking twice."

As fun as it is to watch Johnson take on the role of Greek's strongest hero, what really makes the film are all the wonderful actors that surround him. Hercules's traveling companions include Ian McShane as the seer Amphiaraus (who also knows how to wield a long spear); Rufus Sewell as the smart-talking Autolycus, who is very handy with a blade; Norwegian actors Ingrid Bolsø Berdal as the huntress Atalanta, whose bow can be used to take down enemies as much as her arrows, and Aksel Hennie as Tydeus, who suffers from an ancient form of PTSD; and Reece Ritchie as Iolaus, his young nephew, whose tales of his uncle's exploits serve as his calling card. The group forms a tight unit, and their humor and camaraderie helps make them a more convincing and engaging group of super-heroes than the Avengers.

The gang's all here: L-R: (Tydeus) Aksel Hennie, (Atalanta) Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Hercules, Iolaus (Reece Ritchie), Autolycus (Rufus Sewell), and Amphiaraus (Ian McShane)

Herc and Co. are just about to hang up their weapons and head for a well-earned retirement when Lady Ergenia (Rebecca Ferguson) approaches them to take on one last (and very lucrative) job — to aid her father, Lord Cotys (John Hurt), whose land has been besieged by a mysterious enemy named Rhesus (Tobias Santelmann). It's a pretty basic adventure movie set-up, but things move swiftly and entertainingly, with some humor and even a few surprises. Joseph Fiennes turns up as one of Herc's previous employers, King Eurystheus of Athens. It's great to see him and especially great to watch John Hurt once again don the robes of a classical-era character. Johnson's Hercules is haunted by his past — he woke one evening to find his wife Megara and their children murdered. He has been trying to atone for his alleged crimes ever since.

So lovely to see you: John Hurt as Lord Cotys

Although everyone adds to the proceedings, Ian McShane almost steals the show with his wry Amphiaraus, who has prophesied his own death, but so far hasn't seemed to time it precisely:

[A flaming javelin comes flying towards Amphiaraus, who spreads his arms wide, ready to receive the blow]
Amphiaraus, "My time ..."
[Hercules runs past him, grabs the javelin, and throws it back]
Amphiaraus, "Do you mind? I was having a moment!"
Hercules, "You're welcome."

The rugged locations (filming was done in Hungary and Croatia) add a lot to the atmosphere, but it is the non-stop action, Johnson's huge musculature, and clever twists on a well-known story that really make Hercules so much fun.

ewan mcgregor and jack the giant slayer

Ewan McGregor is not the star of Jack the Giant Slayer, but he is what I remember most about the movie. It was actually kind of a schizophrenic viewing experience. The live action, with the charming McGregor, the always fun-to-watch Ian McShane as the king, the dastardly evil king's advisor Roderick, played by Stanley Tucci, and Jack, played by the all-grown-up and handsome Nicholas Hoult (can you believe this is the same kid from About A Boy?), are undeniably the best parts of the movie.

The CGI giants that Jack and his pals are up against, however, are unremittingly ugly, unpleasant, and un-involving to watch. So much hard work for such a poor return. I would have much preferred to see Bill Nighy, who plays the main giant, General Fallon, as himself, blown up with the aid of computers to a giant size, than what we were given — his horribly animated counterpart. It's hard to believe that director Bryan Singer, who has ably balanced live action and special effects/animation in the three previous X-Men movies (X-Men, X2, X-Men First Class) would let such miserable-looking giants get past the drawing board stage.

Fee, fi, fo, fum — Yuk, yukky, yukkier, and yukkiest

But back to Ewan McGregor. As the king's top knight, Elmont, McGregor has a blast, whether twirling his waxed moustache or being captured and rolled up in a giant's pastry. As I watched him in Jack the Giant Slayer I realized that McGregor truly has the best shit-eating grin in movies. His larger-than-life enthusiasm, which he carries from role to role, is just infectious.

I'm no fan of the more recent Star Wars flicks, but McGregor's young Obi Wan Kenobi was easily the least embarrassing performance of the trilogy. I prefer watching McGregor in the more enjoyable, but incredibly cheesy science-fiction flick The Island, where he and Scarlett Johansson discover that their perfect world may not really be that wonderful after all — they are clones whose owners want them to exist solely for use as "spare parts." Whether playing a junkie in Trainspotting or a smarmy suitor in Emma, McGregor is always irresistible. His 500-watt smile and winning performance in Moulin Rouge, whether he is speaking or singing, steals the movie away from his co-star Nicole Kidman. All of the other actors, sets and trappings in the over-the-top production just can't compare.

I dare you to name an actor with a better smile

McGregor can dial down his grin when necessary. In Woody Allen's Cassandra's Dream he plays Colin Farrell's smarter (?) brother, trying desperately to change his circumstances for the better, even if the way out of his current situation includes murder. In Roman Polanski's excellent Ghost Writer he is a more diffident sort — quiet, lurking around the edges of the movie until he realizes that the book he is ghost writing may not only put him in the spotlight, but in actual danger.

One of Hollywood's most hardworking actors, McGregor is in many movies that are worth checking out: The Impossible, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Beginners, Miss Potter, Big Fish, Young Adam, Down with Love, Little Voice, Velvet Goldmine. Is his latest, Jack the Giant Slayer, worth checking out? If you can focus on the actors and are not too put off by the video-game-reject-looking giants, it can be a fun diversion. And Ewan McGregor's grin helps a lot.

Smiles all around — Ewan McGregor, Eleanor Tomlinson, and Nicholas Hoult bid adieu to some pesky giants

snow white and the huntsman

The title says it all. The strengths of the latest film to retell the fairy tale of the girl with "skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair black as coal," Snow White and the Huntsman lie with the princess and her unexpected ally, the huntsman. Kristen Stewart, probably relieved to not have to sit or stand around and sigh while her supernatural boyfriend waffles on what's the right thing to do, takes charge of her own destiny and is a Snow White for the modern age. Chris Hemsworth continues to prove he is matinee idol-worthy as the title character, a drunken, broken-hearted widower who may have found something, or someone, to believe in.

Charlize Theron gives her all in her role as the evil Queen Ravenna. She tries, she really does. She is certainly beautiful, and is garbed magnificently in amazing and fantastic costumes by Colleen Atwood that incorporate such materials as ravens' and beetles' wings. She favors eating the hearts of small birds and sucking the energy out of female beauties to maintain her youthful complexion and magical power. But unfortunately, every time Ravenna or her completely horrid sycophantic (and psychotic) brother Finn (Sam Spruell) are on screen the energy gets sucked out of the movie. Ravenna is so evil, so horrible, and without the slightest trace of humor that there is no chance for the audience to connect with her. The script has her rave about how she has been mistreated by men, but there isn't enough backstory to garner any understanding or sympathy. She is depicted as just mean and crazy, which may have worked for Disney's animated Queen, but there is nothing cartoony or over-the-top in this performance — it's just uncomfortable to watch.

Happily, once we get past most of Ravenna's evil torture scenes at the start of the movie the rest and bulk of the story belongs to Snow White and you-know-who. In the current style of the day, Snow does have another fella who is mooning after her, Prince William (Sam Claflin), a childhood friend, but the film's title and Hemsworth's sheer magnetism should give the audience the hint that anyone else who is vying for Snow's heart is a non-starter.

The look of the film is extraordinary, and does help to get one through the darker or slower parts. The much-lauded special effects that help transform great British character actors Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, Toby Jones, Johnny Harris, and Brian Gleeson into dwarfs is remarkable. There is also a nod to Disney magic, when Snow first encounters a beautiful forest, untouched by Ravenna's evil, full of friendly fairies and animals that bow at her feet. Final verdict? Director Rupert Sanders may have served his second-billed (!) star better by dialing down Ravenna's evil, and making Chalize less loathsome, and thus opening his film up for a wider audience. But Snow White and the Huntsman is entertaining. It's a visual feast and a Snow White for adults only.

who needs PG-13 anymore?

Article first published as Who needs PG-13 anymore? on Blogcritics.

Both Thor and the just-released Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides movies are rated PG-13, but who are they kidding? They are also both marketed heavily to the kiddies. At our local multiplex, there was a special Pirates promotion going on this opening weekend with face painting, balloon animals, Renaissance Fair-style role-players and Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Blackbeard (Ian McShane) impersonators.

Clearly plenty of parents were taking under-13 age children to the movie (myself included.) So why did the film have a PG-13 rating? Wasn't PG enough? A parent has to decide either way whether to take their kid to the movies. That's the parental guidance part. On any website today you can get an itemized list of content that might offend (violence, sex, drugs, drinking, language). So why bother with trying to (over) specify the rating?

After seeing Pirates, which did include some (not graphic) deaths and scary creatures (mermaids) I don't think that it had anything too scary for my seven-year old daughter. I told her as we went in that if anything was too frightening for her, she could cover her eyes, hide behind me, or we could duck out for a few minutes, but that was never really necessary. She did grab me for some of the fight scenes, but overall she enjoyed it. And sometimes being scared and cuddling with mom or dad is part of the fun. If there was anything that did bother her about the movie, it was that a few of the plot points were left dangling and open for the next movie. But that's just how movies are today, which I explained to her — they want you to come back and see what happens to Captain Jack Sparrow next time.

I used to watch scary movies on TV all the time when I was probably "too young" for them — that is, her age. I distinctly remember being allowed to stay up and watch a vampire movie with my dad and going to bed scared that night, wearing my bathrobe over my nightgown, convinced that if my neck was covered up a vampire couldn't get me. And these weren't sparkly teen vamps, this was a B&W creepy Count Dracula. Most fairy tales are full of scary things — witches and wolves that eat little pigs and little girls that favor the color red.

I don't think parents should be irresponsible. My daughter has seen the first three Harry Potter movies and that's it. She loves the kids and other characters and is rightly frightened by Voldemort — we usually skip those scenes on the DVD. The same goes for another film she adores, the first Lord of the Rings. She is in love with Frodo, but wants to skip the Orcs. Frankly, I feel the same way about the Orcs — they are unnecessarily gross make-up wise. Director Peter Jackson could have scaled them back visually a bit and they still would have been scary. But back to Potter — I haven't let her see the fourth Potter film and beyond because the emotional content gets more mature. Characters start dying, and not just the Cowboys and Indians sorts of deaths that kids role-play and are familiar with, as in this latest Pirates movie, but deaths of people that they have grown to love — I still find Cedric's death in Goblet of Fire very upsetting. Movies with tear-jerking moments can be cathartic — for adults, but kids don't really need that level of sadness from a movie.

Apparently we have filmmaker Steven Spielberg to blame for the ridiculous distinction between PG and PG-13. In 1984, "Spielberg … advocated the creation of the new rating. The proposed change, however, has been opposed by MPAA President Jack Valenti. He argues that the current system is working well enough and that adding more classifications would cause more confusion. 'Who is smart enough to say what is permissible for a 13-year-old and not for a twelve-year-old?' Valenti asks. 'Who can draw that line?'" Valenti either changed his mind or caved in, as the rating began to be applied to films that year and ever since.

But does the PG-13 rating really apply to the latest Pirates movie? From the MPAA's definition of PG-13:

Any drug use will initially require at least a PG-13 rating. (None)

More than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating, but such nudity in a PG-13 rated motion picture generally will not be sexually oriented. (The mermaids are topless, but no nipples are shown, their long hair or the water covers them, so, none)

There may be depictions of violence in a PG-13 movie, but generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent violence. (Pirates has lots of sword fights and some deaths, but none too graphic. There are sword wounds with a little blood, as in an old Errol Flynn pirate flick.)

A motion picture’s single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, initially requires at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive requires an R rating, as must even one of those words used in a sexual context. The Rating Board nevertheless may rate such a motion picture PG-13 if, based on a special vote by a two-thirds majority, the Raters feel that most American parents would believe that a PG-13 rating is appropriate because of the context or manner in which the words are used or because the use of those words in the motion picture is inconspicuous. (There were no curse words that I recall. There was some mildly sexy banter between Captain Jack and Angelica (Penélope Cruz) referencing their prior relationship, but nothing explicit.)

I think that Hollywood should just drop the silly PG-13 rating. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is a family movie. I know, that's a bad word for some, but too bad. Sometimes I wonder if films now use PG-13 as a ratings opportunity to attract the adult audience. Do the studios think a plain PG will turn off grown-ups who don't want to go to a kiddie film? Does PG-13 make it just a tad cooler or less, well, PG? As the line-up of Pirates toys and related merchandise in Target and other stores attest, the film's rating, in this case is beyond meaningless.

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