some days it feels like everything I needed to know I could learn from Zoolander ...

Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

This never gets old.

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Mugatu: It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!

Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Mugatu: Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

[Talking about the files]
Hansel: They're *in* the computer?

Much more enjoyable than 2001. And shorter.

J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Zoolander Sequel Still In The Works (slashfilm.com)

memento mori

One of the best moments from Buffy has been running through my head all week . . .

. . . from The Body, after Buffy's mother dies:

Anya (crying): But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why. (She puts her hand over her face, crying.)

Memento mori, "remember you must die." Found in Buddhist and especially Christian art—ranging from Day of the Dead images to Puritan America, Medieval Europe and beyond—writing, painting and sculpture and pop-culture attempt to help us cope with the puzzle that is mortality:

Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur [Life is short, and shortly it will end],
Mors venit velociter quae neminem veretur [Death comes quickly and respects no one],
Omnia mors perimit et nulli miseretur [Death destroys everything and takes pity on no one].

This is the first stage of grief, I think, just accepting the jarring interruption of death into your daily routine. The routine becomes shattered, as you cope and try to deal with the sadness of the loss of the loved one. The only thing that can bring back a semblance of your previous normal existence is time and remembrance and more time.

more jungle red . . .

. . . for Eliza

Sylvia Fowler: [Showing her nails to Mary] Mary, how do you like that?
Nancy Blake: Too, too adorable.
Sylvia Fowler: Ah, you have no idea how it stays on... I get it at Sydney's, you should go Mary. A wonderful new manicurist, Olga's her name, she's marvellous. Isn't that divine? Jungle red!
Nancy Blake: Looks like you've been tearing at somebody's throat!
Sylvia Fowler: [Smacks her hand on the table] I'll be darned Nancy if I let you ride me anymore!
Mary Haines: Oh Sylvia, Nancy's only trying to be clever too.
Sylvia Fowler: Well, she takes a crack at everything about me... Even my nails!
Mary Haines: Well I like them, I really do. Sydney's, Olga's, jungle red... I'll remember.

Mary Haines: I've had two years to grow claws mother. Jungle red!

these are a few of my favorite things . . .

. . . Ferris Bueller karaoke.

Ferris: Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Ferris: [while running home, Ferris runs past two bikini-clad sunbathers, then returns] Hi, how you doing? I'm Ferris Bueller.

by heart

There are some movies that I find myself talking along with, the lines forever emblazoned upon my brain. Are they the greatest movies ever? Well in some cases they uncontestedly are (Singin' in the Rain, Young Frankenstein), and in some cases there are those who might argue the point (Wayne's World, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Clueless), but they are all precious to me.

Here's a mixed selection of great lines I'll never forget from some of the films listed above and a few other completely brilliant movies I purposely didn't mention, just to see if I can stump you.

Can you guess which film birthed which line?

And I cayn't stand'im.

So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

This is information retrieval not information dispersal.

Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING! I made you short?

"All we are is dust in the wind," dude.

You were having cheer-sex with him!

Can you get me off the hook, Tom? For old times' sake?

Parfait's gotta be the tastiest thing on the whole damn planet.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Duke, let's go do some crimes. Yeah. Let's go get sushi and not pay.

I stick my neck out for *nobody*!

You're maudlin and full of self-pity. You're magnificent!

Why don't you just kill him? I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

Chin up. Right, both of them.

If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions. What's seven times seven? Stuff she knows.

Then you and Victor were... YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOYFRIEND.

Come get your ice-cream! Come get your tootsie-frootsie ice cream!

Meet the greatest actor in the world! I'd rather kiss a tarantula. You don't mean that. I don't ?—Hey Joe, get me a tarantula.

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

A wed wose. How womantic.

Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.

Cindy, you know by tattling on your friends, you're really just tattling on yourself. By tattling on your friends, you're just telling them that you're a tattletale. Now, is that the tale you want to tell?

Oh Moses, Moses, you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!

Where ever you go, there you are.

Hello? There was a stop sign. I totally paused.

I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.

Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant.

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.

Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Gosh, you've... really got some nice toys here.

Alright, we have a piper who's down. It's alright, he's just pissed. We have a piper down, I repeat, a piper is down!

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

How's the Italian food in this restaurant? Good. Try the veal, it's the best in the city.

My! People come and go so quickly here!

It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever.

If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you!

There is a name for you, ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel.

NO! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!

Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh . . . I think I love him.

But, you're *not* a girl! You're a *guy*, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy? Security!

HEED! PANTS! NOW!

I'm very, very aware... that you are seeing other agents. And I think it's good that you are. Finally, I mean it's healthy. But, this is the thing. If you decide to sign with me, you're gonna get more than an agent. You're gonna get three people. [Holds up four fingers] You're gonna get an agent, a mother, a father, a shoulder to cry on, someone who knows this business inside and out. And if anyone ever tries to cross you, I'll grab them by the balls and squeeze 'til they're dead.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking. . . Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. . . Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. . . Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?

That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?

All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.

Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.

I don't know you. I don't know your work. But I think you are a genius. And I am never wrong about that.

Am I nuts? Something's wrong with his feet. I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but you're right. He's got two left feet.

Don't call me stupid. Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape? Apes don't read philosophy. Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it

Peanut butter, it just fills the cracks of the heart

Hans, Bubi, I'm your white knight!