celebs aren't the only ones who lack privacy

It's not that I'm unsympathetic. It's not that I wish them ill. But I have to admit that I'm more than a little tired of hearing celebrities bemoan the fact that they don't get any privacy. I'm not fond of papparazzi or overzealous types in general, so I can imagine how annoying it must be for someone to have their dinner interrupted by an eager starstruck fan, or have to negotiate a red carpet with flashbulbs blinding your every step. But hey, celebs, you're not alone.

Photo by beastandbean

I can't have five private minutes in the bathroom without the kid busting in to ask something. Or even if the door's closed, how private is it when she's outside the door shouting, "Hey, you want to hear me play 'Twinkle, Twinkle' on the keyboard?" 

I have my own entourage, of my 7 year-old daughter and my elderly mother. It's a rare occasion for me to travel solo. I can't walk the dog at night without the kid wanting to tag along (not on a school night, relax), carrying a flashlight to help me scoop the poop in the dark. It's nigh near impossible for that flashlight to not find my face. Talk about blinded by the light. 

Everyone wants a piece of me and everyone has an opinion. Sick of interviews? How about the thousands of questions I get to answer every day — "Why can't I have jelly beans for dinner?" "How old are you?" "Can I stay up just one more hour?" "Why do I always have to feed the cats?" "Do I have to make my bed?"

Don't get me wrong. The rewards are there too, and there's something nice about having your own fan base. But you don't have to live in Hollywood to feel like you'll never walk alone. Or be able to take a long (or even short) relaxing bubble bath without an interruption.

seeing stars

For Brian, by request

A friend recently told me a fun story about a celebrity sighting when he was living in New York, and it got me reminiscing about the many famous folks I ran across in my years there. Now in D.C., the biggest famous face I have seen so far is our president, and believe me, that was extremely cool.

But as Austin Powers would say, for sh*ts and g*ggles, I thought I would try to list some of the other cool folks I stumbled upon over the years. Part of the allure of living in New York is the illusion that it is the center of the entire universe. And as the rest of the planet at one time or another shares this view, practically everyone will want to blow through town at least once (if not actually live there), so your opportunities for seeing famous folks are pretty high. Add to that the fact that I worked at a museum in midtown (fancy shops, touristy things) and played downtown (cool restaurants, clubs, funky shops) my potential to see someone famous was extremely high. So here goes.

At MoMA I saw:

While visiting, as an art student - David Bowie, Liza Minnelli (who is miniscule, and was as interested in all the folks watching her as the Art of Vienna show she was supposedly there to see)

While working there, I got the opportunity to attend art openings - I saw Steve Martin & Paul Simon & Julian Schnabel together (many celebrities like to travel in packs - it's safer). The thrill about this encounter at the Warhol opening was that while we were all waiting on the drinks line I actually stepped on Steve Martin, who was right in front of me, and he turned around and said "Excuuuse me." God, I love him. There were tons of the famous at that opening (Bianca Jagger, Sylvia Miles, etc., etc.), but Steve was the coolest.

Random visitors to the MoMA bookstore, where I worked (these were all folks with whom I had some real interaction) - Sharon Stone (fully aware of her allure after Basic Instinct and not afraid to use it, but actually came across as a pretty fun gal), Richard Gere (very sweet and wanted to talk about art writing and films by Jean Renoir), Vincent Price (!) with wife Coral Browne, who, when I asked him some question replied very theatrically, "No, no, no!!!" a la his campy Theater of Blood movie. Coral walked around the store, looking for him, calling "Vinnniiieee..."

Sightings in the museum - Cher (coming for a premiere party for Moonstruck), Michael Palin (walking around and looking adorably confused - he's very tall, so John Cleese must be a giant) .

Random sightings on the street:

Arthur Ashe (the very first celebrity I saw in New York - probably my first week there.

In the "can't believe they're so tall" category - Michael Caine, Pedro Almodovar, and while hanging outside the Guggenheim on my birthday waiting for my dad to drive in from N.J. so we could go out to Fiorello's for my birthday dinner I saw Bill Murray walking with his brother, Brian Doyle-Murray.

Andy Warhol - I used to see him all the time, flanked by two very blonde, handsome, young men. His studio was a few doors down from the Parsons dormitory and he used to go to movie matinées - he would be coming out of the theater as I was going in, probably after one of my last classes. I would usually see him on University Place or near the Waverly. He was always very friendly, in a calm, detached sort of way, nodding hello.

Matt Dillon (I used to see him around downtown, especially 8th Street, A LOT)

Willem Dafoe (running around SoHo, and then one time on the F train, sat next to him and his little boy while some fan boys across the way tried to get him to talk about To Live and Die in L.A., "DUDE! You were so cool!" He commiserated with me till he and his son could escape at Broadway/Lafayette.)

Trolling around Soho - Iggy Pop, Robin Williams, Ben Stiller

At play (in a club or bar, etc.):

Mick Jones and Don Letts right before they formed Big Audio Dynamite. For a month or so I saw them everywhere, it seemed - Danceteria, bars, etc. Mick seemed very friendly and approachable and I thought about flirting with him, or even just talking to him, but Joe Strummer was always my favorite in The Clash and they had just disbanded...

Billy Idol with his guitarist at Danceteria being extremely boisterous at the bar, Rod Stewart (apparently I stepped on him at Studio 54, but I don't recall much of the evening in question...) Here's some advice - stepping on a celebrity may be a good intro...

A very drunk Matt Dillon at The Cat Club who kept asking me to dance...

Robert DeNiro (very surreal - we actually had drinks with him in a place across the street from The Public Theater where we had just seen him in a play. It was like watching him do a "greatest hits medley" of his past characters - all the vocal tics and mannerisms. I couldn't watch his movies for a few years after that).

Ranking Roger and Dave Wakeling of General Public. Roger had his hair dyed in stripes and we followed him around at a roof part at Danceteria for a while.

At art openings:

Francesco Clemente (I used to see him a lot, especially in the small East Village galleries - always a thrill, and he was very friendly and urbane)

Jean-Michel Basquiat (sigh) - I watched him graffiti the gallery walls of the Whitney at the Julian Schnabel opening(!), Keith Haring went to all the openings...

My friend Steven Parrino introduced me to Robert Longo at Metro Pictures when we were checking out Longo's show. Longo was so high-wired he made me even more nervous to talk to him. He was very short, but his hair was so high he was almost as tall as me!

While living in Park Slope, Brooklyn I would see my neighbors Steve Buscemi, outside my local D'Agostino's and Jon Turturro in my nearby market, the Yiyo, buying staples. Both friendly.

Does any of this really matter? Not really, but it's fun. Are celebrities just like us? Not really. And they have way more money. But these are still fond memories. My mom lived in Hollywood for a while and told me about the time she met...but that's another era, another city, another story.

Note: This list doesn't include all the people I may have seen in a concert or a play, etc. Didn't seem fair to count those.

off the wall

OFF THE WALL MICHAEL JACKSON

I was never a huge fan of Michael Jackson, but I did love this song. I remember how cute he was when the record came out, and dancing to it.

I guess everyone has tried to "moonwalk" since the 80s, but no one did it like him.

He truly was a phenomenon, in every sense - unique, creative, and highly unusual. But I probably liked him best as the exuberant lead voice of the Jackson 5. I can even picture his cartoon version.

Sadly, as we all know, his adult life sometimes took on bizarre, cartoon-like dimensions. No matter whether he did what some accused him of or not, there was no denying that he was odd, taking his persona and his lifestyle to Howard Hughes-like strangeness.

I have been guilty in the past, like many, of scornfully referring to him as Wacko Jacko. Did he make it too easy? Did he really never have any experience of a "normal" life? It's all too sad. 50 is too young.

Johnny Depp is destined to play him in the Tim Burton biopic (Willie Wonka was just a rehearsal.) I just keep thinking about the kids. No normal life for them, either, I'm afraid. Maybe Michael's "ex," Lisa Marie, can step in and give them some perspective, as she has been in an eerily similar position.

I can't help it, I keep thinking of Elvis dead at Graceland, Michael in his Neverland. Why does anyone want to be a "star?"

the worst baby name EVER

I have curtailed a lot of my celebrity gossip site perusal, both to upgrade the content that I'm exposed to, be a grown-up, and most importantly, who has time to keep track of La Winehouse? But every once in a while something from my Google reader trickles through.

I'm not a strict traditionalist. I like unusual or meaningful names. Barack has a nice ring to it. But celebrities are notorious at trying to maintain their hipness through the unusual naming of their children. When a Zowie Bowie is old enough, he changes his name to Joey. Of course for every Zowie there's a Leaf - Phoenix, that is, who changed his name to - Joaquin. Hmmm...

But this latest baby name makes Apple and Kal-El sound like good ideas. It's a crazy amalgam of Disney and stupid. Oh well. Maybe little Bronx will take his revenge in the tell-all...

who CARES about these people?

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, you have certainly seen the John McCain/Britney/Paris ad and all the ensuing criticism. Now don't think this is going to be a "political" post. I'm not really bothered by what this ad may or may not do to either McCain's or Obama's campaigns. What really gets me is that a presidential candidate (or more correctly, his flacks) have fallen into the celebrity hate/worship culture, which simply needs to stop. Now.

Why does anyone find these "celebrities" interesting? I understand the trainwreck principle. For some reason, humans get off on human suffering. This is nothing new. Public floggings, hangings, stocks, etc. But the endless paparazzi coverage of a lot of twenty-somethings whose only claim to fame is the result of Disney machine marketing or Daddie's bank account is puzzling. Why do we want to see Britney buy her 10th Starbucks coffee of the day? Why do we want to see Paris do anything? And when someone who has some actual talent self-destructs (Amy Winehouse) do we need to watch it moment-by-moment? This is a sad, but all-too-common tale.

I understand why we like to buy magazines and check out sites that show the rich and famous, Brad and Angelina's cavorting and adopting, etc. I wanted to hear what crazy name the babies were given, too, but I hardly cared when they were actually born or needed to keep vigil. Magazine culture has changed. The Internet is a huge factor. Supermarket tabloids can't keep up with the 'net's ability to post almost immediate updates on these folks traipsing through Hollywood. And it allows the rest of us to post at will our opinions of those coffee-buying excursions.

This is for me the most disturbing aspect of the hate/worship culture. Most gossip sites seem to be outlets for folks to vent and post, mostly in obscene terms, their opinions. Is everyone in the world really so angry or jealous of these twits? Sure, most celebs may very well be undeserving of their fame. But if you don't like it, don't watch. Paris Hilton understands that there is no bad publicity, just publicity. So if you are sick of her, then stop cruising sites to see her latest move. I love pop culture, but I am sick of the negativity, the vulture-like waiting for the next celebrity disaster, the posters who all claim to "know" someone that can prove that so-and so's preferences lean this way or that. The Internet can be a great connector, but it also allows everyone to sink to the lowest possible level. I don't care what Paris or Britney are up to. Join me and we can not care together.