Victor Mature and Betty Grable were the feature item, in "I Wake Up Screaming."
It's film noir, so Elisha Cook, Jr. was on hand too, of course.
Happily, Mom woke up smiling : )
And it was smiles all around.
Showing posts with label Nursing home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nursing home. Show all posts
Friday, October 02, 2015
waking up at the nursing home ...
When I arrived, Mom was sleeping soundly.
Victor Mature and Betty Grable were the feature item, in "I Wake Up Screaming."
It's film noir, so Elisha Cook, Jr. was on hand too, of course.
Happily, Mom woke up smiling : )
And it was smiles all around.
Victor Mature and Betty Grable were the feature item, in "I Wake Up Screaming."
It's film noir, so Elisha Cook, Jr. was on hand too, of course.
Happily, Mom woke up smiling : )
And it was smiles all around.
Monday, September 02, 2013
fun with grandma (and a new app)
The kid has been having fun with a new app on my iPhone, PicCam. She even got her grandma to pose when we were there visiting her this weekend at the nursing home.
I have been finding that as far as Mom is concerned, it doesn't seem to matter if she saw us the day before or almost the week before. When we come she is happy to see us. We sit together and she is very engaged at first — she held my hand for quite a while — and then she tunes out a little. I try to engage her with photos or other things, but most of the time she is just happy looking at The Kid.
I guess the fact that she seems just fine where she is, and happy to see us, and a little sad, but not pissed off when we go, is a blessing and I should just breathe a big old sigh of relief. I'm getting there. Not yet, but soon, I hope.
I have been finding that as far as Mom is concerned, it doesn't seem to matter if she saw us the day before or almost the week before. When we come she is happy to see us. We sit together and she is very engaged at first — she held my hand for quite a while — and then she tunes out a little. I try to engage her with photos or other things, but most of the time she is just happy looking at The Kid.
I guess the fact that she seems just fine where she is, and happy to see us, and a little sad, but not pissed off when we go, is a blessing and I should just breathe a big old sigh of relief. I'm getting there. Not yet, but soon, I hope.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
how did we get here?
Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard — visiting my mom at the nursing home. The fact that she seems happy there, and even happier to see us, is great. But some of the "ambiance," and the lessening ability to understand what she's saying, can be difficult. But we have to focus on the good things. Like her friendship with one of her fellow residents, and how they smile and really seem to enjoy each other. They make each other laugh, even though their words are frequently unintelligible. Like how mom just looking at her granddaughter seems to bring her great joy. Like the gorgeous view outside the common room window, and how she enjoys watching all that's going on outside. She is still interested in life. And for that I'm truly thankful.
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Thursday, July 18, 2013
every time you go away you take a piece of me with you
There's no good way to lose a loved one. But I've been thinking lately about the differences between someone going suddenly, and someone going bit by bit. I watched my cousin slip away gradually a few years ago — it was excruciating for her, for me, and for everyone who loved her. At the same time my mother started to go away as well. She has dementia, and it was becoming clear as we were that I would have to step in and start helping mom out. So we moved to Florida.
I've spent the past three years trying to be a good daughter, take care of my mom, and also take care of my daughter. It hasn't been easy. I've been in this fight or flight mode so long, that now that she's in a nursing home I don't know what to do with myself. I've had to deal with my own health issues, which I'm sure have been more than a little impacted by my mother's situation and the worrying that goes along with it. No blame, just the facts ma'am.
So this week has started to feel a little strange, as I have just begun to realize that I no longer have to take mom into consideration for the day's schedule, meals — a variety of things. This Thanksgiving and Christmas we could actually go somewhere, as mom would be safe in the nursing home. The past few years I never could have thought this way. I would have had to structure either a very short trip, or more likely, as she had been having more and more issues, keep us at home and not travel anywhere.
But since her fall in June all that has changed. I'm still in a bit of fight or flight mode, as I keep my tight schedule of acupuncture and chiropractic appointments, but I'm hoping that as my brain realizes that some of the pressure is off, my body eventually will too.
It occurred to me the other day that I could actually do something outside of the house. Could I even think of a job? Maybe something part-time, or I could volunteer at the local library or museum. But I'm not gonna rush into things. This seems like a school-year or new year's project.
I never hesitated for a moment when it became clear that my mom needed me. She took good care of me when I was a kid, it was the very least that I could do for her. My ego is taking a bit of a blow lately as I realize that maybe I was holding on to her at home a bit longer than necessary. They are definitely taking better care of her at the nursing home than I could here at home. I'm sorry that she's no longer as mobile she used to be, but her health situation required this transfer.
Mom, as usual, was looking out for me. Her taking a fall necessitated not only a week in the hospital, but the transfer to an acute care facility (the new term for nursing home). I didn't have to commit her to such a place. Something I was holding off on doing as long as possible. Something that she had led me to believe that she dreaded. But lo and behold, she seems happy there. She would like our visits to be longer, but for the most part it's a good situation. Mom has let me off the hook. Now I can devote more time to my daughter and to myself. That's what a mom is supposed to do. Help you be the best you can be. As always, mom is doing just that.
I've spent the past three years trying to be a good daughter, take care of my mom, and also take care of my daughter. It hasn't been easy. I've been in this fight or flight mode so long, that now that she's in a nursing home I don't know what to do with myself. I've had to deal with my own health issues, which I'm sure have been more than a little impacted by my mother's situation and the worrying that goes along with it. No blame, just the facts ma'am.
So this week has started to feel a little strange, as I have just begun to realize that I no longer have to take mom into consideration for the day's schedule, meals — a variety of things. This Thanksgiving and Christmas we could actually go somewhere, as mom would be safe in the nursing home. The past few years I never could have thought this way. I would have had to structure either a very short trip, or more likely, as she had been having more and more issues, keep us at home and not travel anywhere.
But since her fall in June all that has changed. I'm still in a bit of fight or flight mode, as I keep my tight schedule of acupuncture and chiropractic appointments, but I'm hoping that as my brain realizes that some of the pressure is off, my body eventually will too.
It occurred to me the other day that I could actually do something outside of the house. Could I even think of a job? Maybe something part-time, or I could volunteer at the local library or museum. But I'm not gonna rush into things. This seems like a school-year or new year's project.
I never hesitated for a moment when it became clear that my mom needed me. She took good care of me when I was a kid, it was the very least that I could do for her. My ego is taking a bit of a blow lately as I realize that maybe I was holding on to her at home a bit longer than necessary. They are definitely taking better care of her at the nursing home than I could here at home. I'm sorry that she's no longer as mobile she used to be, but her health situation required this transfer.
Mom, as usual, was looking out for me. Her taking a fall necessitated not only a week in the hospital, but the transfer to an acute care facility (the new term for nursing home). I didn't have to commit her to such a place. Something I was holding off on doing as long as possible. Something that she had led me to believe that she dreaded. But lo and behold, she seems happy there. She would like our visits to be longer, but for the most part it's a good situation. Mom has let me off the hook. Now I can devote more time to my daughter and to myself. That's what a mom is supposed to do. Help you be the best you can be. As always, mom is doing just that.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
a new cast of characters
My mom has settled in to her new life at the nursing home — but have I? I have to admit that I still find her living in this group situation a little unnerving. I know that I don't have the patience, knowledge, or facilities that she now requires to care for her at home. She's in the right place.
As we go to visit her and I see her react and interact with some of the other residents I am of two minds. Sometimes it is fun to see her "chat" with another person, a shade of her old "ladies who lunch" days. It doesn't seem to matter that what they may say to one another is fairly unintelligible. But there are other residents in the common room who don't always interact in the most positive manner. It's not exactly "cuckoo's nest" territory, but the movie and Jack Nicholson flit through my mind in regard to a few of the more difficult folks. And being me, I can't help but start to assign nicknames to everyone:
Dangerous (or Dastardly, or Dubious, insert appropriate D-word here) David - He is fond of using swear words and other guttural noises, and seems to have been (thankfully) banned from the dining room. He is a negative presence and we try to steer as clear of him as possible.
Miss Sugar - She reminds me of Aunt Esther from Sanford & Son and insists on adding four Sweet and Low packets to her soup (and just about everything else she eats).
Miss Itchy Scratchy - She has blue-painted nails and is constantly fluttering them and adjusting her pants legs, in constant motion, like a hummingbird.
The Stroller - She usually has a sour puss, but she and mom seem to have become friends. They sit together and look out the window at the gorgeous view (the nursing home is right across the street from the Intracoastal) and Ms. Stroller pokes mom playfully (mostly) and then points to something she wants her to see outside. It's sort of aggressive attention, yet friendly. Weird. But it reminds me of playground behavior, which I guess we never really can escape.
There are many more folks who are part of the regular cast of characters on the third floor. But what makes this whole transition a little easier on me is that my mom seems to be happy to be there. Dangerous David bugs her (and everyone else), but she loves all the nurses and attendants and seems to enjoy the many people-watching opportunities. For me, it's hard not to watch everyone and wonder who they used to be. Maybe I'll get glimpses, I just have to pay attention.
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| Image from the nursing home's facebook page |
Dangerous (or Dastardly, or Dubious, insert appropriate D-word here) David - He is fond of using swear words and other guttural noises, and seems to have been (thankfully) banned from the dining room. He is a negative presence and we try to steer as clear of him as possible.
Miss Sugar - She reminds me of Aunt Esther from Sanford & Son and insists on adding four Sweet and Low packets to her soup (and just about everything else she eats).
Miss Itchy Scratchy - She has blue-painted nails and is constantly fluttering them and adjusting her pants legs, in constant motion, like a hummingbird.
The Stroller - She usually has a sour puss, but she and mom seem to have become friends. They sit together and look out the window at the gorgeous view (the nursing home is right across the street from the Intracoastal) and Ms. Stroller pokes mom playfully (mostly) and then points to something she wants her to see outside. It's sort of aggressive attention, yet friendly. Weird. But it reminds me of playground behavior, which I guess we never really can escape.
There are many more folks who are part of the regular cast of characters on the third floor. But what makes this whole transition a little easier on me is that my mom seems to be happy to be there. Dangerous David bugs her (and everyone else), but she loves all the nurses and attendants and seems to enjoy the many people-watching opportunities. For me, it's hard not to watch everyone and wonder who they used to be. Maybe I'll get glimpses, I just have to pay attention.
Saturday, July 06, 2013
mildred pierce and the slap heard 'round the nursing home
Yesterday at the nursing home we joined mom for an afternoon popcorn movie. The film had already started when we arrived. It was Hollywood classic Mildred Pierce.
Chosen as much for its recognizable star, Joan Crawford, as for its over-the-top mother-daughter relationship, for most of the film there was a pretty low level of engagement from the audience. Some napped, some were lost in their own little worlds, some, like my mom, just quietly watched. Until this scene:
Many of the residents gasped, woke up, or laughed when devil spawn Veda slapped her long-suffering mother Mildred.
Afternoon movies are just part of the program that they use to try to keep the residents engaged. Old Hollywood as therapy. I love it.
Chosen as much for its recognizable star, Joan Crawford, as for its over-the-top mother-daughter relationship, for most of the film there was a pretty low level of engagement from the audience. Some napped, some were lost in their own little worlds, some, like my mom, just quietly watched. Until this scene:
Many of the residents gasped, woke up, or laughed when devil spawn Veda slapped her long-suffering mother Mildred.
Afternoon movies are just part of the program that they use to try to keep the residents engaged. Old Hollywood as therapy. I love it.
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