waking up at the nursing home ...

When I arrived, Mom was sleeping soundly.


Victor Mature and Betty Grable were the feature item, in "I Wake Up Screaming."



It's film noir, so Elisha Cook, Jr. was on hand too, of course.


Happily, Mom woke up smiling : )


And it was smiles all around.

throwback thursday: mom's pastels

So why do I take so many beach photos? Maybe because I remember spending evenings at the beach watching my mom draw with pastels ...

visiting hours

I've been thinking lately that I need to stop worrying about my mother. Every time I go to see her she seems happy. Happy to see me. Content with her surroundings.

Maybe she isn't really suffering. I am.

I am he one holding onto the pain, the grief, mourning the woman that I've lost, while she is still here.

I have lost a lot. I can no longer have long talks with my mom. or arguments. We can't go out to eat, or to the movies, or museums. But we can still smile at each other and spend some time together. We can even watch TV together. We can laugh and make faces at each other.

That's actually quite a lot.

mom's birthday ...

... was Saturday. But as the days of the week (or the year) don't mean as much to her these days, we will celebrate it when we return. I know I will get another big smile from her when I see her.


Happy 81st birthday, Mom!

hunger strike

My mom is being difficult at the nursing home, not eating and drinking like she should. According to the nurses, doctor and nurse's aides, she is only eating or drinking abut 25% — everything is measured in percentages in their world — at each meal. Maybe at lunch she brings it up to 50% Maybe.

She was difficult when she was in the hospital after her fall, too, and I had suspected at that time that that might be the new norm, basically the beginning of the end. And then she seemed to rally, even really like her new surroundings. Maybe she still does. But there is no denying that over the past week she has taken stubborn to new levels, refusing a lot of the food and even some of the liquids offered to her. you know that if she's not eating chocolate ice cream she's serious. It's the only aspect of her life that she is still in control of, I guess.

She may not want to eat her soup, but she loves her doggie

So what to do? The doc has given her an appetite stimulant. That usually takes about a week to kick in. We all know that starvation is not a rapid affair. I hope that is not the road we are traveling. but I have to be prepared for whatever she wants and doesn't want to do. We have been bringing our dachshund to see her every week and that has made her happy, as they both have missed each other. I guess we can just keep taking things day by day and try to focus on the happy moments.

happy birthday, mom

Born 80 years ago today ...

Glamorous Mom is on the left, with friends at the Jersey Shore

mom and dad at the beach

My dad was not known for going to the beach, except in the evening to do a little surf-casting. But there was apparently a time when he thought it would be the perfect place to take a certain young lady ...

some more mom treasures

Over the holiday break I have been doing some "spring" cleaning and have found some more of my mom's old sketchbooks. These two drawings are from 1983, the year she left (my dad and) New Jersey for a new life in Florida.

I find this first drawing particularly fun. My mom was always sketching, but I had no idea that she sketched my favorite '80s band, The Clash. She captured Mick Jones and Joe Strummer on television singing "Should I stay or Should I go" and "Straight to Hell." They must have been promoting Combat Rock. I even remember that sleeveless shirt of Joe's. Joe!

She must have done this drawing soon after arriving here at her mother's — my grandmother's — apartment in Florida. Our view from the same balcony hasn't changed very much all these years later.

my mom's purse...

...is full of all sorts of things, most of them hard to get a hold of. Her credit cards are kept in a plastic sleeve secured by a rubber band. Her too-small wallet is separate, with a change purse that is difficult to get into. Today at Target we bought her a new wallet, with places for cash, cards, and coins, all in one convenient package. We'll see how it flies.

My mom's brain these days is a bit like her purse. A word that she knows is there, can sometimes be difficult to access. I don't think Target has anything for this. We'll see how it goes.

I hope our new Prez is ready and able to deal with this aging boomer population, each with his or her unique long-term care needs.

A great movie that deals with aging parents is Albert Brooks's Mother. Four words: Cheese in the Freezer. Brilliant.

Author's note: November was NaBloPoMo, national blog posting month, and I made it (after starting on 11/2)! My own additional challenge, if you were following, was to include Obama in some way in each post. I'm not sure I will be able to keep up with the daily posting, but I'll sure try.