throw-back thursday: the empath

I have been feeling that I feel things too greatly lately, and it reminded me of a post I wrote back in 2011, "The Empath." A lot has changed around here and in the world since then, but a lot is also very much the same. That's life. My mom was still living at home then, but many of the issues that we were dealing with, of loss and communication, are still very much in my mind, even with her now full-time in a nursing home. I miss her now, as I was missing her then. I am still trying to find the bright side, always.

the empath

I'm not the least bit sorry to see the back end of 2010. It has to be one of the most stressful years in recent memory, and that's saying a lot. It certainly didn't have the fun feel I was looking for this time last year.

Watching my cousin Ann slip away from ovarian cancer, week by week, sometimes day by day, last year wasn't easy. But I wouldn't trade a second of it. Not even my knowing the outcome the moment her lips said back in July as she stroked a lump on her neck, "I think it's back." But having to spend half the year watching her die and the other half without her sucks beyond all measure.

Cousins, identical cousins—the Kid and Cousin Ann out on the town

Empaths are highly sensitive. This is the term commonly used in describing one's abilities (sensitivity) to another's emotions and feelings. Empaths have a deep sense of knowing that accompanies empathy and are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others.

Experiencing the incremental mental slippage of my mom hasn't been a picnic, either. 2010 was the year when we finally said dementia out loud, when I knew it was time to step in and take charge, and ensure we have good times together while we can. It's hard to feel the frustration emanate from my mom as she struggles to find a word or a name. I suffer along with her if I can't find the context, the little series of cues and clues that will help me decipher something she is trying to tell me. Sometimes it seems we work so hard to interpret something that turns out to be the height of mundanity—"We need to buy artichokes" is the result of her prodding me with "That thing that I told you, the little ones, that we had, you know, we talked about earlier." Life is a puzzle that I am always trying to solve. Taking the car keys and other symbols of independence away from a parent is not exactly a recipe for congenial living, but somehow we are, at least for the moment, navigating this thorny path as gracefully as possible.

Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA, and passed from generation to generation. ... Empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels. From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they come to understand another. They can become very proficient at reading another personís body language ...

Ironic that I may have inherited traits from my mom that might help me better understand her.

I can't help but draw parallels between what happened and is happening to two very important women in my life. Is that all we can do, watch people we love disappear? Am I someone who sees these signs of slippage happening before others do? I'll never forget watching the classic Star Trek episode The Empath as a kid and really connecting with the girl who took on everybody else's pain. I can't compare what my cousin went through or what my mom goes through daily to my own level of pain, but I do feel that I have suffered, in my own way, alongside them.




I feel shaken and shaky about the world we live in, too. 2010 was a year with plenty of things to worry about outside of my immediate family. No one needs me to recap the horrible disasters of earthquakes, cholera, and oil spills to feel some of the pain that the most directly involved have experienced. As wonderful as it is for me now to take walk on the beach, when a dead fish washes up at my feet I am immediately pulled across the state to the Gulf and wonder how people are coping, and if this sea creature is an inheritance of that catastrophe.

One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live.

I'm so very discouraged by the erosion of goodwill towards our president and how harmful that can be to this country. I was on the National Mall for the inauguration and it was such a wonderful hopeful day ... I don't care what party you belong to, the petty back-biting and political angling is disgusting. One of the major upsides to our leaving the Capital Beltway this year is not having to hear the partisan bickering as loud and as often—being on the spot just made me feel that much more powerless, with all of the bad behavior happening just a few blocks away.

I have so much on my plate these days it is hard to get worked up over any major political issues. I am just trying to keep all our heads above water and give my daughter and mother the best life that I can. If I ruled the world I would decree that 2011 should be the year of political television silence. No talking-heads shows, nasty-ass ads or stupid campaign commercials posing as reality shows. I know it could never happen, but it's my dream.

So, that was the half-empty glass, now for the half-full. With all the pain and loss the past year, I have to say I have also gained so much. Watching my daughter confidently navigate first grade, a brand-new school, town and friends, and read independently in just the past six months is amazing to me. And thankfully, I feel the excitement that she feels, the newness, and even a little bit of the fear as she experiences it. I am catching glimpses of the woman she is going to be. It's incredible.

The girl loves a buffet

Working part-time and from home has also helped open up a whole new vista for me. At first I felt trapped and isolated. I actually felt like I was out in the internets, adrift, needing to find some way to navigate. I am used to working with a large group of people, with lots of social interaction. Maybe facebook and twitter entering my life in the past few years helped pave the way—after a few weeks I got comfortable and found that I still felt connected to most of my co-workers, even working from quite a distance. Yes, there was no longer so much face-to-face—the office isn't skype-comfortable—but I no longer felt disconnected. Phones and emails kept us in each other's loop. On the home front, if my mom felt that we had invaded her life and her space when we first arrived, we quickly established a routine and rhythm that allowed me to work during the day and her to read or pursue her own interests while the kid was at school.

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied ... They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people ... to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc.

Feeling connected to my art, my creative side, is very important to my health and sanity. Having just a tiny bit more time to myself (2011 be warned—I'm working on increasing that, too) allowed me to spend more time on my blog and writing.  I've been able to focus more on the pop culture topics that interest me (books, film and television), while giving them my own particular feminist/feminine spin. I'm branching out a bit into more venues and can now call myself a professional blogger—and I'm proud of that.

Cary Grant in the trailer for North by Northwest, by Alfred Hitchcock, 1959, Wikipedia.

I know that 2011 will have its ups and downs, particularly focused on my mom's decline and our efforts to slow it down as much as possible. My goal is to give her the best life that I can—and for all of us to share as much of what's joyful as possible. There's tons of things that we can enjoy together, from a meal out to watching my daughter dance around and be silly, to watching a movie together. I feel the lack deeply that she and I can no longer share my ideas—the things that I write about and what they mean to me—to converse, share simple observations about the world.

I may not be able to discuss with her my interpretation of a film and my new spin on what I think it might mean. But instead of feeling bad and focusing on the fact that we are no longer what we once were, I can work with what we are. She may not remember the movie North By Northwest—either the title of the film or the fact that it's by Hitchcock. This is more than a little hard for me to take when she is half of the reason I'm such a film buff. She may no longer be able to come up with the names of the stars—Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, James Mason, Martin Landau—but she does remember them and that she once knew their names. She knows that she likes Cary Grant and that she's always thought (and still thinks) he was very attactive. She enjoys "rediscovering" the movie and sharing it with her daughter and granddaughter. It's a life of things without labels for her. We're experiencing the thingness of things.

My hope for 2011? That we will continue to experience new and old things together. That I will continue to feel what's going on with folks in the way that I do, but maybe not take it too much to heart, or like that Star Trek maiden, lose myself in others' issues. Feeling deeply is a good thing. There's actually a definition for feeling deeply:

Main Entry: feel in one's bones
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: have a gut feeling
Synonyms: expect, feel deeply, have a feeling, have a funny feeling, have a hunch, have a sensation, just know, perceive, predict, sense
Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition, Copyright © 2010 by the Philip Lief Group.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one—if only for peace of mind.

Yep, that's me. And I can already see the telltale signs that my daughter is an empath too. We are set up to connect, to feel others, to suss them out. These skills will be invaluable in my future attempts at interpreting my mom's wishes and conversations. As hard as it can be to feel what others are going through sometimes, imagine how differently we might all behave if we really thought about the other guy, even felt what they felt, once in a while. I'm happy that I'm an empath.

Quotes from About Empathy and Empaths, by Christel Broederlow Copyright (c) 2002,About.com

happy alfred hitchcock day!

Today is National Alfred Hitchcock Day. I'm not sure exactly why, but I really don't care, as any opportunity to celebrate Hitch is appreciated. My movie-buff parents introduced me to the master at a young age, via his movies on television. I'm not sure which one I saw first exactly, but suspect it was Shadow of A Doubt, with Joseph Cotton as Uncle Charlie. Still one of my favorites, and probably why I prefer the black and white, atmospheric Hitchcock films to big screen confections like To Catch A Thief.


Hitchcock was such a meticulous artist that it is hard to pick a favorite film. He started making films in the 1920s, and many of them are definitely worth a look, but the ones I hold dear and that have forever influenced the art of cinema are from the mid-'30s and onwards. Here are twelve of his absolute best (I couldn't narrow it down to ten):

Rebecca (1940) - Hitchcock may have had problems working with demanding producer David O. Selznick on his first major Hollywood studio film, but the result is flawless, and a Best Picture winner to boot.

On the set of Suspicion

Suspicion (1941) - This may be considered a minor Hitchcock, in part because the director himself complained for years how he had to alter the ending to suit the studio, but Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine are wonderful together, and Hitch does allow Grant to indulge in his dark side, while maintaining his humor and charm — the perfect anti-hero.

Shadow of a Doubt (1943) - Joseph Cotton helps the director turn the usual depiction of small-town America inside out. With someone like Uncle Charlie on the loose in our towns and our homes, no one is quite safe. And Teresa Wright makes a winning female heroine, a young girl who rescues her family while having to grow up fast and watch her dream man turn into a nightmare. This is such a great, creepy film.

Filming Shadow of a Doubt

Notorious (1946) - The ultimate Hitchcock romance, with Cary Grant as an abusive lover and Ingrid Bergman a woman who has hit such depths that she is willing to marry another man (Claude Rains, a Nazi) to please him. It also includes one of the sexiest, longest kisses in screen history, as Grant and Bergman try to accomplish a spy maneuver in her husband's wine cellar, but can't hide their passion for one another.

Strangers on a Train (1951) - When Robert Walker says "Criss Cross" to Farley Granger as they share a train compartment the movie takes Granger down the rabbit hole and the audience with him. Walker has come up with the idea for the perfect murder — two complete strangers each perform a murder for one another. And he's not joking. The film includes so many wonderful Hitchcock details and set pieces — a woman's eyeglasses, the clue of a cigarette lighter, the ending on a fairground carousel. A masterpiece.

Dial M for Murder (1954) - Hitchcock was experimenting with 3D with this film, his first starring screen muse Grace Kelly (and his first in color). But it is Ray Milland who steals the show as her murderous-plotting husband. He is ruthless, but also sympathetic and unfailingly polite throughout the proceedings. A bit stagy, but still incredibly entertaining. Cary Grant wanted to play the role of the husband, but the studio didn't want him to portray a murderer.

Backstage on Rear Window

Rear Window (1954) - Hitchcock had the entire New York City apartment building courtyard where Jeff (James Stewart), who has broken his leg lives, constructed on the studio lot. It is the ultimate voyeuristic exercise, as a bored Jeff looks out his window at his neighbors and the audience eagerly joins him. What starts at first as spying on pretty girls and squabbling couples soon becomes looking in on a possible murder, with girlfriend Lisa (Grace Kelly) and nurse Stella (Thelma Ritter) eagerly joining the chase for clues. Hitchcock has a lot to say in Rear Window about how people live and how we observe each other. Each window in Jeff's apartment complex holds an interesting story, and a potential parallel or outcome to Jeff and Lisa's on-again, off-again relationship.

Vertigo (1958) - Many consider this Hitchcock's ultimate masterpiece (I might go for Rear Window), but it is certainly his most artistic, and probably most personal. He plays with the idea of female identity, as he allows Jimmy Stewart to make over Kim Novak in the vision of a dead love. Themes of love and death and sex abound, as Hitchcock has his actors take us through a dizzying, hypnotic tour of San Francisco. The film had been out of release for many years, and I saw it for the first time in a New York City theater in an '80s re-release. If only everyone could experience this film on a huge screen. It's time for another re-release!

Directing Kim Novak on Vertigo

North by Northwest (1959) - Cary Grant is the ultimate Hitchcock "wrong man" in this cross-country, wide-screen adventure. There are so many fabulous set-pieces, including the scene in the field with the crop-dusting plane, the face-off at the U.N. building, the climax at Mount Rushmore. Fun, fun, fun.

Psycho (1960) - So many horror films owe Psycho a debt, but most of them have never come close to the shock and brutality of this film. Hitchcock returned to black and white, as the famous shower scene would have been too much for 1960 audiences in color. Anthony Perkins turns in the performance of a lifetime as Norman Bates, while Janet Leigh's role helped redefine what could happen to a movie's leading lady.

The Birds (1963) - Hitchcock dabbles in horror and maybe even science-fiction with this wonderful, still-scary film. The tables are turning, and our avian friends are deciding that maybe they want the planet to themselves. But Hitchcock keeps everything personal, following a young, spoiled woman (Tippi Hedren) pursuing a romance with a man she has just met (Rod Taylor) in a small California seaside town. Their story becomes the backdrop for the much larger question — what is happening with all of the birds?

On the set of The Birds

Frenzy (1972) - A serial rapist/killer is on the loose in London. Hitchcock identifies the villain (Barry Foster) right away, and the audience can only wonder if he will be caught or if the "hero," the not-too-likable Richard Blaney (Jon Finch), will go to jail for his crimes instead. Frenzy was considered quite racy at the time, Hitchcock's first film to feature female nudity.

So now my only problem is which Hitch to view to honor the master today?

cary grant: a life in pictures

Article first published as Book Review: Cary Grant: A Life in Pictures. Edited by Yann-Brice Dherbier on Blogcritics.

Cary Grant: A Life in Pictures, edited by Yann-Brice Dherbier, is a mostly enjoyable coffee-table book collection of images of the iconic Hollywood leading man.

"The critics," says Grant, have often accused me of playing myself on screen. But that is much more difficult than they think."

Using an assortment of black and white and color candid and publicity shots of the star, as well as some movie posters and film stills, fans of Grant will wish the volume was even more jam-packed with photos — and more substantive information about the actor.

The book includes a filmography, listing the more than 70 films in Grant's long and illustrious career, as well as a short chronology of his life. The photo credits show that the source of the majority of images included in Cary Grant: A Life in Pictures are from Getty Images, Magnum Photos, the Library of Congress, and other archives.

The book has a nice, bold graphic look to it, with photos interspersed with quotes from people who worked with Grant, like directors Howard Hawks and Alfred Hitchcock, but most sections feature well-known quotes from the star, including,

"I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until I finally became that person or he became me."

The opening essay by editor Yann-Brice Dherbier gives a brief outline of Grant's life, career, and marriages, and his transformation from Archibald Leach into superstar Cary Grant. Film buffs may be put off however, by a text which is unfortunately riddled with typos, and even includes a few mistakes, such as a misidentified woman in a photo caption.

Cary Grant: A Life in Pictures is not intended for anyone who wants an in-depth look into the star's life, or a critical analysis of his films, but rather a pleasant pictorial reminder of the man's style and elegance.

you can't take sundays too seriously

from Sicilians are Sensational

dear angelina and johnny

So sorry it has taken me so long to write, but as a busy single mom I don't always get the opportunity to see movies first-run. I was finally able to catch your film, The Tourist, on-demand the other night and just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it. It was a fun, even silly at times thriller, much in the vein of the old Audrey Hepburn/Cary Grant movie Charade, or another Cary Grant film, Alfred Hitchcock's To Catch A Thief. I'm not sure why critics when it first came out were so hard on the film. Is it possible that they weren't able to catch the old movie references?

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was a top production, not just in the settings and costumes and beautiful cinematography by John Seale, but with supporting roles that were filled by some of my favorite actors — Rufus Sewell, Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton. The city of Venice, one of the most magical places any tourist could ever visit, was just as lovely to look at as the movie's top stars, if you don't mind my saying so.

In another fun twist, for fans of Angelina's action movie persona, her character of Elise was intelligent and daring, but not her usual optimum physical specimen. In other words, Angelina does not kick major ass, but has to resort to cunning and Venetian canal putt-putt motorboats to effect the rescue of the seemingly out-of-his-league tourist played by Johnny. She still appears to have one up on the hero, but it's not because she is an action hero this time out.

There were many fun little details, such as Johnny's clueless tourist speaking Spanish to everyone in Italy. It was cringeworthy in a good way. The costumes worn by Angelina, mostly designed by Colleen Atwood, were extraordinary. It was nice to see her as a bit of a clothes horse in a movie for a change. Johnny looked dapper too, a bit like Bogie in Casablanca in one scene, when he walked in wearing a white dinner jacket.

No matter what the critical consensus would have you believe, the movie was financially far from a flop. Maybe it was a quickly-filmed romp, but what's wrong with that? Not all movies have to be megahits like Johnny's Pirates series or Angelina's Salt. The Tourist is a fun little film, and one you should both be proud to have on your resumes. Next time you have a break between blockbusters, you might consider filming together again. Topkapi seems ripe for a remake ...

everybody would like to be Cary Grant

Article first published as Documentary Review: Cary Grant: A Class Apart on Blogcritics.


I watched the 2004 documentary, Cary Grant: A Class Apart on TCM recently and I've been thinking about it off and on ever since. It's not so much that it was a brilliant piece of filmmaking. It's a pretty standard movie star biography. What made the deeper impression was Cary Grant, the man, as portrayed by his own words, the facts of his life, film clips, and affect he and his actions had on others.

He was a complex personality. He was a womaniser, or at least, a man who loved many, many women. But he was Cary Grant—how could he not be? Two of his former wives appear in the documentary, Betsy Drake, to whom he was married for thirteen years, and Barbara Harris, who was his wife from 1981 until his death five years later. They both dismiss the ever-present gossip that Grant may have been bisexual, Drake most entertainingly, "Why would I believe that Cary was homosexual when we were busy fucking?" She is definitely a woman scorned, or at least, severely bruised still by her marriage, which she describes all-too vividly as a dictatorship, where she lost her identity and Cary was the only star. She desperately wanted children, but Grant either ignored her desires or refused to participate. Th viewer must take all her hurt feelings into account when she adds, "Maybe he was bisexual. He lived 43 years before he met me. I don't know what he did."

Harris completely dismisses the rumors which have perpetuated all these years based primarily on hearsay and publicity photo shoots he did with longtime friend and roommate Randolph Scott. Certainly no homosexual couple, in the 1930s, in a town like Hollywood, which was notorious for cooking up false romances to cover up its gay stars' sex lives (Monty Clift, Rock Hudson), would promote and publish such photos. It's a case of wishful thinking and different times meaning different things. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other if Cary had a boyfriend, but it seems strange how fervent the desire is to attach gay rumors to celebrities like Grant. Why is who a star, whether they are living or dead, is sleeping with, so important to some people?

Grant made four wonderful films with Alfred Hitchcock, who knew how to exploit his
flawless profile as well as his dark side.

Noticeably absent from the documentary is Dyan Cannon, who parted most acrimoniously from Grant after two years of marriage, but also gave him his only child, daughter Jennifer Grant, who he absolutely doted on, "If I had known then what I know now, if I had not been so utterly stupid, I would have had a hundred children and I would have built a ranch to keep them on." Grant finally becoming a father and crowing about it must have been hard for Betsy Drake to take.

The film tries to make the case that Archie Leach, as he was named at birth, created the persona of Cary Grant and was ultimately trapped by it. I think that's overly dramatic and not entirely true. Grant did create Grant. With the help of influential women he was involved with, and producers and directers that he worked with, but Grant was always also Archie Leach. He never forgot where he came from—a difficult childhood that he escaped as soon as he could by joining an acting troupe at 16.

He never lost his edge, even while looking more urbane, more handsome, more sleek than anyone has ever looked in a tux. Grant has said, "I have spent the greater part of my life fluctuating between Archie Leach and Cary Grant, unsure of each, suspecting each." And, "Everybody wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant." I think what Grant is really saying is that as an artist he created the Cary Grant persona, but it was actually just a bigger version of himself. We all do that, in some way. Our work persona versus how we act with our friends and family. What makes Cary Grant's persona that much bigger, makes him "Cary Grant," is that it had to be big enough to withstand audiences seeing him blown up 100 times larger-than-life on the big screen. It must be hard to see yourself that exaggerated, filmed sometimes harshly, sometimes lovingly, but still objectified. Like an old snapshot blown up to billboard size.

Grant was so good at being Cary Grant that it was almost forgotten by all that he was acting. Audiences just wanted to see him, as he realized, "I've often been accused by critics of being myself on-screen. But being oneself is more difficult than you'd suppose."

The film also confirms that Grant took LSD, when it was still legal, in the early 60s, "My intention in taking LSD was to make myself happy ... I took it with a group of men, one of whom was Aldous Huxley. We deceived ourselves by calling it therapy, but we were truly interested in how this chemical could help humanity." Grant was trying to exorcise his demons, and he did seem to lead a happy, more peaceful life after he left Hollywood.

What the documentary does have in abundance is clips from his films, both classic and forgotten. It is amazing to be reminded how many wonderful movies he made. As handsome as he was, when I think of Grant I first think of screwball comedy. No one had his acrobatic approach or could do it better, keeping pace, word-for-word, with female costars such as Katherine Hepburn and Rosalind Russell. But he was also wonderful in Hitchcock thrillers. Luckily these films and more are still on frequent rotation on TCM. I'm looking forward to seeing him again in such films as Topper, The Philadelphia Story, Suspicion, North By Northwest, Bringing Up Baby, and Arsenic And Old Lace.

Grant wonderfully sums up his experience of Hollywood, his career, "When you're a young man, Douglas Fairbanks Sr. is driving. Wally Beery is the conductor, and Chaplin's got a front row seat. You take your seat, and back behind you is Gary Cooper ... Suddenly a young man named Ty Power gets on. He asks you to move over. You make a picture with Joan Fontaine. You think you do a good job, but she wins the Oscar, and you get nothing. And pretty soon more and more people get on, it's getting very crowded, and then you decide to get off. When you get off the trolley, you notice that it's been doing nothing but going around in circles." He may have felt at times he was going in circles, making the same movies, never getting recognized, although he was finally awarded an honorary Oscar in 1970. But he had an acting career that was truly unique. As much as other actors like Tyrone Power or Louis Jourdan may have made him feel that his time had passed, there has never been another leading man like Cary Grant.

Quotes imdb

the empath

I'm not the least bit sorry to see the back end of 2010. It has to be one of the most stressful years in recent memory, and that's saying a lot. It certainly didn't have the fun feel I was looking for this time last year.

Watching my cousin Ann slip away from ovarian cancer, week by week, sometimes day by day, last year wasn't easy. But I wouldn't trade a second of it. Not even my knowing the outcome the moment her lips said back in July as she stroked a lump on her neck, "I think it's back." But having to spend half the year watching her die and the other half without her sucks beyond all measure.

Cousins, identical cousins—the Kid and Cousin Ann out on the town

Empaths are highly sensitive. This is the term commonly used in describing one's abilities (sensitivity) to another's emotions and feelings. Empaths have a deep sense of knowing that accompanies empathy and are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others.

Experiencing the incremental mental slippage of my mom hasn't been a picnic, either. 2010 was the year when we finally said dementia out loud, when I knew it was time to step in and take charge, and ensure we have good times together while we can. It's hard to feel the frustration emanate from my mom as she struggles to find a word or a name. I suffer along with her if I can't find the context, the little series of cues and clues that will help me decipher something she is trying to tell me. Sometimes it seems we work so hard to interpret something that turns out to be the height of mundanity—"We need to buy artichokes" is the result of her prodding me with "That thing that I told you, the little ones, that we had, you know, we talked about earlier." Life is a puzzle that I am always trying to solve. Taking the car keys and other symbols of independence away from a parent is not exactly a recipe for congenial living, but somehow we are, at least for the moment, navigating this thorny path as gracefully as possible.

Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA, and passed from generation to generation. ... Empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels. From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they come to understand another. They can become very proficient at reading another personís body language ...

Ironic that I may have inherited traits from my mom that might help me better understand her.

I can't help but draw parallels between what happened and is happening to two very important women in my life. Is that all we can do, watch people we love disappear? Am I someone who sees these signs of slippage happening before others do? I'll never forget watching the classic Star Trek episode The Empath as a kid and really connecting with the girl who took on everybody else's pain. I can't compare what my cousin went through or what my mom goes through daily to my own level of pain, but I do feel that I have suffered, in my own way, alongside them.




I feel shaken and shaky about the world we live in, too. 2010 was a year with plenty of things to worry about outside of my immediate family. No one needs me to recap the horrible disasters of earthquakes, cholera, and oil spills to feel some of the pain that the most directly involved have experienced. As wonderful as it is for me now to take walk on the beach, when a dead fish washes up at my feet I am immediately pulled across the state to the Gulf and wonder how people are coping, and if this sea creature is an inheritance of that catastrophe.

One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live.

I'm so very discouraged by the erosion of goodwill towards our president and how harmful that can be to this country. I was on the National Mall for the inauguration and it was such a wonderful hopeful day ... I don't care what party you belong to, the petty back-biting and political angling is disgusting. One of the major upsides to our leaving the Capital Beltway this year is not having to hear the partisan bickering as loud and as often—being on the spot just made me feel that much more powerless, with all of the bad behavior happening just a few blocks away.

I have so much on my plate these days it is hard to get worked up over any major political issues. I am just trying to keep all our heads above water and give my daughter and mother the best life that I can. If I ruled the world I would decree that 2011 should be the year of political television silence. No talking-heads shows, nasty-ass ads or stupid campaign commercials posing as reality shows. I know it could never happen, but it's my dream.

So, that was the half-empty glass, now for the half-full. With all the pain and loss the past year, I have to say I have also gained so much. Watching my daughter confidently navigate first grade, a brand-new school, town and friends, and read independently in just the past six months is amazing to me. And thankfully, I feel the excitement that she feels, the newness, and even a little bit of the fear as she experiences it. I am catching glimpses of the woman she is going to be. It's incredible.

The girl loves a buffet

Working part-time and from home has also helped open up a whole new vista for me. At first I felt trapped and isolated. I actually felt like I was out in the internets, adrift, needing to find some way to navigate. I am used to working with a large group of people, with lots of social interaction. Maybe facebook and twitter entering my life in the past few years helped pave the way—after a few weeks I got comfortable and found that I still felt connected to most of my co-workers, even working from quite a distance. Yes, there was no longer so much face-to-face—the office isn't skype-comfortable—but I no longer felt disconnected. Phones and emails kept us in each other's loop. On the home front, if my mom felt that we had invaded her life and her space when we first arrived, we quickly established a routine and rhythm that allowed me to work during the day and her to read or pursue her own interests while the kid was at school.

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied ... They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people ... to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc.

Feeling connected to my art, my creative side, is very important to my health and sanity. Having just a tiny bit more time to myself (2011 be warned—I'm working on increasing that, too) allowed me to spend more time on my blog and writing.  I've been able to focus more on the pop culture topics that interest me (books, film and television), while giving them my own particular feminist/feminine spin. I'm branching out a bit into more venues and can now call myself a professional blogger—and I'm proud of that.

Cary Grant in the trailer for North by Northwest, by Alfred Hitchcock, 1959, Wikipedia.

I know that 2011 will have its ups and downs, particularly focused on my mom's decline and our efforts to slow it down as much as possible. My goal is to give her the best life that I can—and for all of us to share as much of what's joyful as possible. There's tons of things that we can enjoy together, from a meal out to watching my daughter dance around and be silly, to watching a movie together. I feel the lack deeply that she and I can no longer share my ideas—the things that I write about and what they mean to me—to converse, share simple observations about the world.

I may not be able to discuss with her my interpretation of a film and my new spin on what I think it might mean. But instead of feeling bad and focusing on the fact that we are no longer what we once were, I can work with what we are. She may not remember the movie North By Northwest—either the title of the film or the fact that it's by Hitchcock. This is more than a little hard for me to take when she is half of the reason I'm such a film buff. She may no longer be able to come up with the names of the stars—Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, James Mason, Martin Landau—but she does remember them and that she once knew their names. She knows that she likes Cary Grant and that she's always thought (and still thinks) he was very attactive. She enjoys "rediscovering" the movie and sharing it with her daughter and granddaughter. It's a life of things without labels for her. We're experiencing the thingness of things.

My hope for 2011? That we will continue to experience new and old things together. That I will continue to feel what's going on with folks in the way that I do, but maybe not take it too much to heart, or like that Star Trek maiden, lose myself in others' issues. Feeling deeply is a good thing. There's actually a definition for feeling deeply:

Main Entry: feel in one's bones
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: have a gut feeling
Synonyms: expect, feel deeply, have a feeling, have a funny feeling, have a hunch, have a sensation, just know, perceive, predict, sense
Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition, Copyright © 2010 by the Philip Lief Group.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one—if only for peace of mind.

Yep, that's me. And I can already see the telltale signs that my daughter is an empath too. We are set up to connect, to feel others, to suss them out. These skills will be invaluable in my future attempts at interpreting my mom's wishes and conversations. As hard as it can be to feel what others are going through sometimes, imagine how differently we might all behave if we really thought about the other guy, even felt what they felt, once in a while. I'm happy that I'm an empath.

Quotes from About Empathy and Empaths, by Christel Broederlow Copyright (c) 2002, About.com

Related articles

• North By Northwest: No 2 (guardian.co.uk)
• Are We Moving Toward an Empathic Civilization? (zoeweil.com)